Edited to add: does anyone know what happened to the romance industry satire blog Cum Hither, formerly here?

The May/June issue of Affaire de Coeur has its usual share of bad type-setting (words covered by pictures, articles that start on page 44 and finish on 43) and the requisite family snapshot for a cover. This issue is also relatively light on advertising, and on content, perhaps because in most issues the content is written by the advertisers. Of the ten pages of non-review material in this issue two are taken up by an article written by one Pamela Ackerson.
In this article we are told: "..the [romance] industry has been losing readers... [who have] blinded themselves as to why they are losing sales." So what is it that is killing romance, which we are told is "synonymous with being courted, or being wooed."?
Well, apparently the problem with modern romance (a.k.a. "garbage", "uneducated trash" etc) is a new version of the horsemen of the apocalypse: 1) head-hopping 2) an insufficiency of castles, earthquakes, royalty, witch-hunts and "Native American lifestyle" stories, 3) slang and colloquial language in narration or dialogue and 4) referring to male or female anatomy using any noun beginning with the letter 'C'.
Now I am not fond of head-hopping and would happily have a little witch-hunt on that subject. But other readers weaned on the 80's hopper-ama romance writing style are less perturbed by this vice, and so I say live and let live. Also, I see this from an excerpt of Ackerson's book: Home of the Braves.
"One minute she was reeling in the luxury of the soft bed and the next, she was staring at an extremely handsome and virile looking Indian. As she watched his face, she could see a look of complete astonishment that had quickly turned to anger.
Standing Deer was quite perturbed. He was just getting ready to eat his morning meal when out of the blue heavens this white woman appeared. All of a sudden, there she was. This white woman had long wavy hair with curls cascading down from her shoulders to her waist, like a waterfall. The sun made it sparkle like the rays of sunshine through the clouds and sky. There were so many streaks of colors in it that he wasn't sure what color to call it. It appeared to have all the colors of autumn leaves one saw in the mountains just before the winter snows."
Maybe this term 'head-hopping' doesn't mean what I thought. Oh well. I have also never had a problem with romance set in a modern castle-free environment with people whose hair is less than kaleidoscopic. If a character, or even a narrator, has a colloquial voice then that is cool with me too. And, yes, I am fond of 'cock'. You heard it here first. Finally although some women like to limit their role to being a woo-ee, I do not think the options of any and all persons in a romance is are limited to such a passive role.
Then I came across this little gem: "Steamy romance should be sizzling, cannot wait for the better half to come home and enjoy each other."
[Insert delay while I struggle to parse that sentence] [Meaning and implications sink in] Waiting for the better half to come home, huh. Is that barefoot, or are slippers allowed? No, never mind. I get the point. Some romance writers are pure as the driven Native American lust and have "a multitude of vocabulary", others use "trashy language" and describe "tasteless sex" using the "base, tasteless words mentioned above describing a sexual scene" which "should not be categorised as romance" etc, etc, etc.
Who, you might ask is this authoritative industry expert imparting this advice? She is a multi-published author, no less. Well, she had two romance novels "published" by 1st World Library (Standard Publishing Package $1899) both with Amazon sales ranks over 3,000,000.
This article is just one author's opinion. I get that. And this blog post is just mine--which I am not obliging anyone to pay money to enjoy. Frankly, I'm going to keep reading and writing writing romance books that include the word "cock", thank you. Not to mention romances with sex in hallways, women who woo men and other such garbage. Oh, and I am going to stop subscribing to Affaire de Coeur.
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