Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I do not like your ebook spam, with apologies to Dr. Seuss--veinglory

I do not like your e-book spam.
I do not like it in my box.
I do not like it with Firefox
I do not like it in my house
I will not click it with my mouse
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere.
I do not like your e-book spam.
I do not like it, Spam-I-am.

I could not, would not, on a boat.
Even by Wifi, it gets my goat.
I will not read it in the rain.
I will not read it on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! You let me be!
I do not like it in my box.
I do not like it with Firefox
I do not like it in my house
I will not click it with my mouse
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it ANYWHERE!

I know many authors go through periods of being a little, shall we say, "enthusiastic" with promotions. I know I have. But the amount of ebook-related spam in my inbox is starting to get ridiculous. An example just arrived addressed endearing to 'Dear (Contact First Name)'. That just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Or irritated and dyspeptic, one of those two.

Here are some things to keep in mind when emailing out book promotion, or at least when emailing it to me. This applies to any email not sent via an 'opt in' mechanism such as a newsletter, loop or notification list--
1) If we are genuinely friends, do whatever you want. If I don't like it, I'll tell you.
2) If we are more vaguely acquainted I have probably forgotten you. I have a terrible memory and I am also very self-absorbed. So open the text of your email by reminding me who you are and where we met. Then tell me why you think I wanted to know about your book (or your blog, website, fee-charging service, penis enlargement device etc).
3) If we are not acquainted start straight out with why I want to know about your book. For example: I am submitting this book to be reviewed by the POD people blog. Or, I am submitting this press release as potential content for EREC blog. Or, I read on your blog that you love MM with characters over 50 and I just happen to have released one. Etc.

I think with sensible promotion, from the readers point of view, it really comes down to this: If you don't have a reason for thinking I will want to know about your book--don't tell me about your book. If you do have a plausible reason for thinking I might want to know about your book, please mention in your email what that reason is.

If I reply to your message asking where I know you from, and why you thought I would want to know about your book, please reply. If you are just really excited and contacted every person whose email address you had in your possession, I totally understand that. Everyone gets one free pass.

But if you have, in fact, written a silver fox MM ebook, or possibly some centaur Femdom, my email is veinglory at and I want to hear from you. Oh, and yes, EREC does accept any content that fits in with the mission of the blog (include a byline if you want one used, otherwise material is assumed to be provided in confidence).


Linda Mooney said...

Your poem is priceless!

Meg said...

Great Poem. I am sure Dr Seuss would forgive you.

I get tired of hearing about books I am not interested in from people I barely know also.

It probably doesn't happen to me as much as you, but it does happen.

I also get record companies contacting me about albums I won't review. Just because I run a podcast.

*rolls eyes*

Just wanted to say I hear ya!

Meg said...

oh, those are indie record co's btw. Don't want anyone thinking I have contacts at RCA or something. lol!

K. Z. Snow said...

And let us not forget those MySpace "messages" with billboard-size graphics that are not intended to greet but to pimp. YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION TO THIS BECAUSE IT IS SO WONDERFULLY EXCITING AND I AM/OUR COMPANY IS/THIS EVENT WILL BE SO INCOMPARABLY SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!

Any of that impersonal, mass-mailing crap just jerks my forefinger right to the Delete button.

Jules Jones said...

Someone was foolish enough to spam me this morning with an ad for a poetry book. Foolish, because it arrived while I was sitting in front of the computer, and thus it hit spamcop and the gmail spam filter less than a minute after he'd sent it...