Thursday, March 06, 2014

Press Releases drive me crazy

Do you know what I want from a press release? The answers to these questions as quickly as possible:
1) What is this thing you are telling me about?
2) Why should anyone care?

And do you know what I don't want from a press release? Here are some examples from the recent press release on Mills and Boon's new announcement that they are (very belatedly) releasing an app you can find and buy their books from:
1) Suggesting you are an ebook pioneer when.... ha ha ha ha, no.  Getting to party and doing some good stuff, yes--but rather late in the day when the risk had gone down considerably.
2) Suggesting that they are innovative online (ditto).
2) Acting like a book buying app that makes recommendations based on book content is in any way unique or new (albeit still a good idea).
3) Buzzwords. If this is about a website call it a website, if it is about an app call it a app. Better yet, tell me what the damn thing will actually do for me as a reader.

"digital future ... innovative, direct-to-consumer web platform ...genre based entertainment ... vibrant and constantly evolving ... destination ...  integration of unique ... digital DNA ... floating feedback tab (God I hate those things) ... brand platform ... synonymous with passion ... digitally tap ... online experience ... driving more engagement ... user experience ... compelling visual experience ... fully integrated ...  internal business systems .... flexibility to react ... Shifting brand perceptions .... the experience strategy ... create a destination ... shares their experiences .. the experience ... embrace the key focus of discover ... increase brand and content ... engagement with ... omnipresent shopping experience."

Blah blah blah experience blah blah blah branding blah blah destination blah blah blah-fucking-blah.

Dear Mills and Boon, please  tell me what this thing is and what it does in plain language.  I do not give even the tiniest of damns about your brand development or inane quotes from your jargon-obsessed consultants who still seem to think that social networking is a nifty recent invention we may not have heard of yet.

I do not come to you to "experience" your "brand"--

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